**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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