Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
