I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
