His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
