Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
