In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
