if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Randomize
