Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
