After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
She bit a glass in half.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
