Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
