from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
