You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
