overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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