i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
