what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
