I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
