I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
