I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize