my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
this will be a night to untag.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
