Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
