D3 body, D1 cock
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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