she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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