Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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