I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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