I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Randomize
