We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
