i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
