i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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