HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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