I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
