i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
