peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Randomize