Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
