Your mouth is God's brothel.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
