I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
