Got a toothbrush?
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
