if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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