Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
