I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
