You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
