we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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