Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
