you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
