hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Randomize
