it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
