She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
