I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
