I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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