That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
