do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
