Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Michael Bay diarrhea
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize
