Are we in a gay sports bar?
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
