Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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