If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
