just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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