I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
