I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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