3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
