You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
