I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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