apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize