didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
