I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
