Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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