Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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